if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
