You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
