were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
