I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
