Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
