Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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