sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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