I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
