I'm so fucking centered right now
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
