Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
