I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
