Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
