Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
