the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
