also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
