Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
