she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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