good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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