Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sober January is a disaster.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
