The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
