You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
