I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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