Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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