i don't like sucking hair
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I will die if light touches me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
