What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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