I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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