on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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