I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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