Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
