brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
