Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This toilet bowl is my home.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
