She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
