Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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