What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
