What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
