nut hugger
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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