I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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