btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
