Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
