i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
