Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
