You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
