so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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