What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
