Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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