so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
