I just pynch a tree in the face
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
