seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
