i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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