I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
