Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
