So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
