maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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