yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
