no, he came in my armpit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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