1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love having hate sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize