Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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