she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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