I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
