How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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