the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just found a bag of teeth...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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