how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
