Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
