Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
