Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
