Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
is that a dick in a sweater?
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