How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
