Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
