I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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