I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
