Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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