So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
