I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
