DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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