I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
