yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
