He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
