ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
