I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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