I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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