She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
